I have girl problems. Should I enter the seminary?
posted by: jmarc
March 29, 2008
2:06 am
I'm a 26 y.o. guy who is back to considering the priesthood because my relationship with girls have been hurtful and confusing - for both the girls and myself. Basically, my predicament is that girls I like end up not liking me and girls who like me don't turn out to be my type, which sucks because they end up being hurt. How I wish I can like them back but obviously I can't.
I consider myself to be a solid Catholic. I fully and wholeheartedly agree and obey the teachings of the Catholic Church. I am also very aware of my shortcomings and weaknesses as a sinner. However, chastity and purity are not particularly a problem for me. I can live a chaste and pure life for the most part. I only fail occasionally. To be more specific, I can live without pornography and masturbation. The odd time that I succumb happens maybe 4 to 6 times a year.
I've gone through many times of discernment of the religious life and the priesthood and all have resulted to negative. So I always thought that married life is my vocation. But now I'm back to square one.
Thing is I've NEVER been in a serious relationship. I liked 4 girls in the last 6 years and proceeded on going on dates with them but none of them ended up working out. Then, I can name about 6 girls who have liked me in the last 4 years but I never made a move on any of them because I didn't find myself attracted to them. I'm good friends with all of them though. And I'm able to keep my relationship with them at the friendship level.
Do I sound like I'm being called to the seminary? I can list several other reasons for this too. Any advice?
posted by: fishman
March 29, 2008
8:22 am
as described I'd say you need to do more discernment.
what are the several other reasons you think you are being called to the seminary?
Maybe you are not called to be priest , but a religious brother, have you also discerned that. It could simply be you need to be patient and wait for God's time to be whatever. Abandoment is key here. I found myself 'searching' for a wife at about your age , but it wasn't until I gave up my own desire and said God, do with me as you will, that I found one.
posted by: Lucky Mom of 7
March 29, 2008
9:52 am
J,
You speak plainly like me. :)
Nothing you posted suggests to me that you're being called to the priesthood. Sounds more like you're bored and impatient. I like what fishman said.
Some people are called to be single, too. Any life of holiness will bring joy and fulfillment. Pray for patience, friend.
"Holiness is being the best version of yourself." -Matthew Kelley, Catholic lay evangelist
"I know the Lord won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." ~Bl. Teresa of Calcutta
posted by: Protect the Rock
March 29, 2008
10:22 am
I would imagine you would know in pretty short order after doing these three things. One should be called to the priesthood, not away from something else.
posted by: MattyMattyChooChoo
March 29, 2008
6:28 pm
I had girl problems too. So I got married. Of ourse I truly love this girl and wanted her to be my wife, but I didn't figure that out until I'd broken up with her, dated her future roommate and another girl, then realized that I was an idiot for having dumped her in the first place.
Having girl troubles shouldn't be your reason for joining the seminary anymore than failing Latin should be your reason for getting married. (Do they teach Latin anymore?)
You're in my prayers.
posted by: lpioch
March 29, 2008
7:12 pm
A vocation is a calling.
Whether that calling is to the married life, the celibate (single) life, the priesthood, or the religious life is really the question.
What is God calling you to?
Trouble with girls is in no way an indication of a calling. Difficulties are found no matter what the vocation. In fact, your list above tells me that you do not necessarily fully understand the vocation to the priesthood much less the vocation to the married life. (You cannot understand one without fully understanding the other.)
I agree with PTR. Increase your Eucharistic Adoration. Receive the sacraments more often (i.e...go to Mass during the weekday, go to Confession more often...MINIMUM once a month). Finally, speak with a priest (regularly...not just once) that you know is faithful to the teachings of the Church, and tell him you are trying to decide what vocation God is calling you to.
Those who seek will find.
posted by: mkochan
March 29, 2008
7:55 pm
jmarc, Welcome to CE. You are courageous to ask and this is a good group of people here to answer you, although as pointed out we cannot take the palce of peope who know you. Is it possible that you do not have girl problems but rather people problems? How are your friendships with men?
posted by: Zachaeus
March 29, 2008
9:47 pm
Jmarc: The fact that you are even considering the long and often difficult process of discerning a religious/priestly vocation is clearly the first step in determining the “calling". My advice is to take the plunge and discern from within the experience of religious life rather than from the sidelines always to wonder if you should have. Many people try to discern a religious vocation without ever really getting their feet wet by the experience of seminary life. I loved it and it was an experience that I will never forget. I recommend it to anyone who feels even the slightest inclination to serve God in this very special way. Go for it!
posted by: sainthenry
March 30, 2008
2:10 pm
jmarc, I am married and have seven children. Around 1978 I was divorced and received an annulment from the Catholic church. During the time I was single, I thought I might want to become a Priest so I went to the Diocese of Bismark, SD to take a vocations test. When I received the results I was astounded to find that the Diocese considered me to be an excellent candidate based on my scores so I went to my home Diocese to apply for seminary. The Vocations Director sent me to several Priests for preparation and discernment, whom then concluded that I complete my college education[I already had 22 college credits]. During my preparation for seminary I met my second wife in the Catholic church at a Stephens Ministry training session. I called the Diocese to let them know I had changed plans for seminary so they sent me to Father Val Messerich whom is also a Doctor of Psychiatry for a final discernment of vocation. Fr Val concluded that I should marry and forego the Priesthood. Only you can find the answer to your discernment although I highly recommend that you involve your Diocese and your parish Priest. They can help you enormously far more than anyone on this forum can direct you. If you sincerely wish to be a Priest I would say do not let anything stand in your way and I mean anything [including beautiful women] Remember what happened to King David when he saw Bethsheba bathing in her garden? King David allowed his sensual desire overwhelm his obedience then suffered terribly for the mistake. Take your time, you have the rest of your life [God willing} Peace to you!
King Henry 11 Holy Roman Emporer of Germany, Italy and Switzerland of the 10th Century: Praise to you Lord Jesus Christ and May God Bless Us All!
posted by: Crw9006
May 25, 2008
1:29 pm
It all depends.
I recently broke up with my girlfriend because she was a heretic. I once considered the priesthood, but I need someone in the bed with me every night. I have trouble sleeping otherwise.
Christopher R. Whittle